People were having second thoughts about putting the Libertarians in charge of road repair and traffic safety.
"Why yes, I have been elected to public office as a Republican. How did you know?"
The hours of work he'd spent on his elaborate headgear made him the front-runner for this year's Carmen Miranda award.
"Howdy, ma'am, I'm the base, and I'm ready to be energized."
"Psst...did you hear what the Buddhist said to the hot dog vendor?"
"Make me one with everything!"
In defense of The Heritage Foundation, I'd like to point out that less than 40% of its membership is comprised of actual flesh-eating zombies -- not 90%, as those liberal elitists who run the mainstream media would have you think.
"Alright; I know you're serving veal in there. Surrender peacefully, or I'm coming in after you."
"...The Aristocrats!...Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen; you've been a great audience. I'll be here all week..."
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